A Slow Transition

SO I promised that I would post again when I had made some decisions about what my plans were and I didn't post because I am still not ready to make a plan. I know that it seems silly, but I really want to make commitments that I am going to keep so that I don't get thrown off of my course from the beginning. Further, I feel like this journey is about accepting it as it developes on its own. So part of my plan is not too have set expectations and goals, but so just focus on the goal and to always be growing and improving.

Here's what has happened since the last time I posted, I saw my spine and pain management doctor. I know I said I wasn't going to tell him my plan, and I didn't. But I did talk to him about coming off of the pain meds. He basically brought it up actually. We talked about my pain level, and the truth is that I am still in a lot of pain all of the time. Since I decided that I was going to go on this yoga journey, I have increased the frequency of my yoga practice, to about 4 times a week. I am feeling stronger, but I am not seeing results in my back pain, yet.

My husband had surgery on Thursday, which for me, meant that I had to sit around the hospital for about 5 hours, in unreasonably uncomfortable chairs. Because of this I suffered fairly sever pain in my lower back for a couple of days. I took my pain meds, and carried out my nursing duties for my incapacitated husband. Friday is when I went to see my Dr.

The appointment was a follow-up for the injections I got 3 weeks ago. Apparently, part of the goal with the injection is exploratory, if we do this does it lead us to any conclusion that will help the prognosis. Unfortunately, my Dr. also seems to be getting a little discouraged as well. I like the guy, I do, I honestly believe that his intent is to help, with the best of the tools he has to offer. He is a big fan of these shots, and not a fan of pain medication. When I came to him 8 months ago with my established "give-up" medication regime, he was already skeptical. Further, over those 8 months and earlier, we had had some very public celebrity overdoses of pain meds. Currently, being considered an epidemic. In the grand scheme of things I think that my medications are not too dramatic. I was prescribed to take one 5mg Percocet in the morning and one at night before bed. Additionally, I was taking one Tramodol in the afternoon. The reason for this is because I truly needed pain management 3 times a day, but opted to take the Tramodol, which is not a true opiate. Anyhow, since my initial meeting with him, he wanted to bring my down off of the Percs. I was completely adverse to it, because it took me and my German doctor 6-8 months to come to that "get me through the day" regime. This is when my current Dr. and I started with the shots. The concept of these shots makes me totally weirded out. In fact, they do a constant Xray if your spine while he is doing the injecting so he can see where he needs to put the medicine. My dad said that I probably get more radiation from my phone and not to worry about it too much, but it still seems crazy.

Anyhow, on Friday the doctor states, "you are too young to be on this type of medication for so long." I am going to agree with that, for now. I don't want to be an addict, even if I take my prescription as directed. My concern too is that over the last year and a half my pain has gone from being isolated in my lower back (coccyx) to my hip, now I am having issues with my neck and hands as well. We did a battery of blood tests to see if there was something that could be effecting my whole body rather than area specific ailments. All of the test came back negative. While I am glad that I don't have an autoimmune disorder, or Lupus, of Rheumatoid Arthritis, I always feel a little let down by still not having any answers. He ordered me some more bloods tests on Friday, though, so we are continuing to search. I asked him if my body could be over sensitive now because I have been on an opiate for 3 years. He said yes it is called "opioid-induced hyperalgesia," which basically means that average stimuli can feel very painful. This could be true for me... and this is the theory that I am planning to test her on my Yoga Journey. I asked him how long it takes the body to correct this, and he said, "some say that it can be as long as you are on them." My heart shivered a little bit. Heading toward a world of no pain relief is scary enough as it is, but to think that it could take 3 years to know if this is even truly the issue... to wonder if there is going to be natural relief, kinda sucks.

He wrote my prescription for Tramodol, but not for Percocet.  If you don't have them you can't take them, right? So this is progress already if you ask me. I have a few more left, so I am reducing them slowly, but when they are gone they are gone. I don't know if you have ever felt what a withdrawal feels like, but it is very uncomfortable. I will write more about it as I am feeling it, shortly, within the next week. My plan to combat the withdrawal effects will be as follows:
1) go off the meds one at a time, 1st Percs, then Trams
2) Work out, not just yoga, but to physically exhaust my body so that I can hopefully get some sleep
3) Sauna or steam. It is going to be important to force the toxins out. Your endocrine system is a key player in eliminating toxins... sweat, sweat, sweat.
4) Honestly, wine. a glass of two of wine in the evenings will help with the discomfort and will help me sleep. It is not to be trading one for the other... but if the others aren't working and I am not getting sleep, I will have glass of wine with dinner, and hope that helps.

Finally, I am going to start taking some pictures. I know that my life style is terrible for my skin, liver, physique etc. I truly want to document what the effects of not smoking, not taking prescription drugs,  reducing stress through yoga and meditation, eating healthier and so on, will do for my looks. I am also going to look into doing Bullet Journaling. I will give you more details about that look if I decide that it is going to fit into my journey.

So that is where I am at now. I'll keep you all posted soon.