I guess the appropriate place to start is why. Here is the raw, unedited truth about why.
I have talked to my husband and a couple of my friends about my desire to take this journey and I’ve said, “partially because I am the exact opposite.”
A little bit about who I am: A am an accountant for the Department of Defense. I am married to a Staff Sargent in the U.S. Military. I live a very rigid structured life style that includes lots of stressful moments. We have moved all over the world and have recently settled back on American soil in Richmond, VA. In some respects I felt like my life was on hold when we lived abroad, and in others I was able to grow more than I had ever expected.
About 3 years ago (while living in Germany) I started to have pain and tingling in my back. The initial prognosis was FibroMyalgia and they put me on a generic Lyrica medication. Furthermore, I was told to stop working out and running until they were able to determine what was going on with me. At the time I had been running around 2 miles a day 5 days a week, and weight lifting with my husband. The medication lasted about a month; I was the supervisor of an accounting branch that accounted for a half billion dollars. I needed a clear head… I mean everyone does. I hated the way it felt and I wanted off, stat. I was prescribed physical therapy, which I did with a German Physical Therapist, and really it was just like yoga. I had done yoga for the entire year that my husband was deployed and I joked, ‘It was the only think that kept me sane.” I lived in a very rural area in German that didn’t have the mildly spiritually/physical type of class that I was looking for, so I let my practice laps. Once I was prescribed this physical therapy, I decided to pick it back up at home. I started doing what I could 2-3 times a week.
I went to the doctor probably 3 times a week for about 8 months, using every last minute of sick leave and moving my schedule around to meeting appointments. Luckily my boss was understanding. My goal was not to get medication, my goal was to get a solution, get back to normal, and start feeling 26 years old again. I showed up for every test they asked me to go to, every time feeling optimistic, ‘this will be the test that will tell me this is something that they know how to treat.’ And every time I was let down. I went to various x-rays, MRIs, I’ve had vials upon vials of blood taken… and then I gave up (kinda). There I was, sitting in my primary doctors office for the 20th time in 8 months, feel drained, disappointed, and without option. I felt overwhelmed and distraught and I started to cry. I begged her to send me to pain management. AllI wanted, at that point was to be able to get through a work day with out all of the pain. I needed a break from all of the testing, and frankly, the constant pain. The pain in my lower back made it hard to sit for the long hours that I needed to a work, but I found a way to cope, standing at my desk and getting up and having face to face meeting whenever could. I couldn’t stand for long either, and I had a hard time sleeping.
Pain management was a nice reprieve. The doctor diagnosed me Tramodol and Percocet. A combination that we both decided would not interfere with my job. I would also see him for injections that never really seemed to work for long, but the temporary breaks were welcomed. It has been over two years that I have been on this pain management treatment plan. I had to pick it up when we got back from Germany and it took about two months to get back to another pain and spine specialist. My optimism blossomed again. ‘Now that we are back in the states I will find a specialist who will know what is going on and how to treat it! I will be better and I will feel 28… as I would imagine your twenties should feel.” I went through everything with my new doctor, with folders and my latest MRI in hand… and he wanted to start from scratch. He said he had something similar and it went away! I was ecstatic to hear this. I got and updated MRI, just to be told that he wont see me again until I see a Gyno about my Ovarian Cysts… more appointments, more doctors, no answers. And here we are 6 months into being in the states and I can tell that they Dr. has started to give up. I’ve let him inject me with Steroids and Lydocaine in two different locations. Apparently some people will have relief up to 6 months… not me!!! I have maybe 2-3 days each time.
Three weeks ago I started to have pain in both of my hands. I feared it was Carpal Tunnel, but I couldn’t see how when I didn’t have all of the symptoms. I allowed a physical therapist to stick needles all down my neck, arm and into my hand. It might have made things worse. I took a week off of work to give my hands a break, saw yet another doctor, who gave me muscle relaxers… did nothing for the issue and I was back at work with the aching hands…
Wow… I am really droning on here. I guess what I am trying to illustrate is that I have gone through soon much Western Medicine BS with no avail that I am ready to try something new, something off the books. I want to see what my body feels like with no chemicals in it at all. Will my body begin to create natural pain relievers? Is some of the pain in my body actually a side effect of the medication? What if I increased my physical activity, instead os restraining it, will it make me feel better?
There are so many reasons that I see value in changing my life to more eastern and holistic. It is not merely the physical but the mental as well. If I visualized my body being healthy, and appreciated everything that it can do rather than focusing on the pain, the appointments, and restriction… is that a better version of life than I am living now? I will find the answers to these questions on my journey to “Mental East.”
I know that I am going to struggle and I know that there will be failures. Do I think that I will be able to be a full Yogi and maintain my current life style? Not really. But I think I will get a lot from this experience. I am hoping to find more gratitude, more understanding, more kindness to myself and others, more health, more appreciation, and maybe meet some really cool people along the way.
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